The Futility of Global Unity

In early 2006, while I was still at the Mahindra United World College of India, a friend of mine and I were asked to be part of the press corps for an inter-college “Model United Nations”. For the uninitiated this was essentially a group of students spending a weekend arguing. I remember writing the article below as an introduction for the weekend. Although this has nothing to do with “tech” I felt nostalgic!

[I have not edited any portion of this piece, hence there may be some phrases or terms that readers are unfamiliar with, apologies in advance].

Since October 24, 1947 (give or take), the United Nations has been a part of each countries foreign policy, or as some may think—it hasn’t. A neo-hippie illusion of global unity. At least that’s what we think at UNcovered. However, we neither know, nor do we care about such trivial issues. Our dedication to journalism is more focused upon the intricate issues such as the sexual escapades, or lack of them, amongst the chair(s); the subnormal IQs of our ornate delegates and finally the ineffectuality of the endless debates.
How do we separate the good from the bad? The effective decisions from the pointless ones; the superior resolutions from the mediocre ones. We don’t! That’s the point of the UN: debates, endless debates and five figure salaries – oh and lets not forget the fine Cubans.

So, granted that global unity has no place in today’s capitalist society, what is the ultimate meaning of engaging teenagers in mindless discussions of “global concern” not simply weekly (i.e. Global Affairs) but for the whole day. College applications?? For some it fills a convenient gap in the “activities section” of the Common App. Other idealists hope to gain a better, more holistic understanding of world affairs. Unfortunate isn’t it that they, realizing their dire mistake, spend the remainder of the session snacking on the generous cups of chai and batata wadas, that our miserly cafeteria decides to provide for the sake of our sanity—when they run out of cigarettes as well.

All you MUNers must’ve realized by our rantings that you will not receive a five figure salary, that you will not smoke fine Cubans and you certainly will not empower the starving masses of Africa. What you will accomplish, however, is a whole Sunday wasted on pointless debates and highly acidic food-possible even an acceptance letter from Middlebury.

The UNcovered, for the illiterate masses, is a means to provide an unbiased source of the proceedings of each and every council - mainly the gossip, the sleaze and anything that might provide a brief respite from Mr. Arni’s remarks demoralizing even the very table you sit at. A prize for anyone who can decipher his anecdotes laced with his speech impediment.

We’re looking forward to interacting with each and every one of you, who bothered to wake up at 8 am and managed to shake off their customary morning-after hangover. So, lets get started…

With deepest regards,
Your eds


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